Dear Dr. Ellen: I am 16 years old and have a girl friend that I love dearly. My parents hate her and I still want to be with her. What should I do? My parents won’t let me be with her but we still see each other behind their backs and I get in trouble when they find out. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. Thank you. - John
Dear John: Your parents love you and have your best interests at heart. It's hard for parents to recognize that their little boy is growing up. When it comes to dating, every family has different opinions. Some parents feel that going out in a group is okay but it is not appropriate to be alone with someone of the opposite sex until you are a little older. Others are a little more lenient if they know the person and parents of the person you are dating and can be assured that an adult is there when you are together. I don't think they hate your girlfriend. I think they want you to concentrate on your education and develop yourself as a person before you get serious with someone. At your age, with raging hormones, they also don't want to see you have to deal with a pregnancy. Here's what you should do. Ask your mom and dad if you can all sit down and talk about what they will and will not allow. Try to talk to them as a young adult. Let them know you love them and you know they want the best for you. Tell them you really care about this girl and enjoy her company and you would like to find some sort of compromise and come up with something you can all live with. For example: Would they be more comfortable if she came over your house while they were home so they could get to know her better? Or, if you went out with a group of kids and they knew where you were and when you would be home, would that be okay? Because you are living under their roof and they are responsible for you, you have to compromise as well.
I am a great believer that, if a relationship is meant to be, then in time it will still be there. I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 17. His parents made us break up because they felt he was too young to be so serious. We didn't get back together until we were both in college. We've been married now for 34 years! It really isn't the end of your relationship just because you can't be alone together. You need to show your parents that you can be trusted - that you respect their wishes and want to do the right thing. Continuing to go behind their back or arguing with them will only bring pain to everyone and cause things to get even worse than they already are. - Dr. Ellen.
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