AskPhilippa
the advice column for intelligent single adults
In October 15, 2002,
She published her last AskPhilippa letter :(
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Dear Philippa, I'm confused. This woman and I are best friends and dancing partners. Neither of us has dated anyone seriously for a year. And even though I've tried everything to show her I want to be more than friends, she is just plain not interested. I want to start seeing other women but I don't know how to stay friends with my dance partner and not have my strong attraction to her distract me from meeting other people. What shall I do? —Ron, Boston, MA

Dear Ron,

I 'm also a little confused by your letter. You've sort of got the message that your dance partner isn't interested in you romantically, but you still have feelings for her. And you think you should try and meet someone else but you can't do that if your still seeing your dance partner. But you don't want to give up her, at least as a friend—am I right?

In your heart of hearts I think you would feel happiest if you could sweep your dance partner into your arms and spin off into the proverbial sunset together. If this is true, then you probably don't really want to meet other women.

Unrequited love, wanting someone who doesn't want you, is very painful. When you have so much in common with someone and you share good times together it seems difficult to grasp why things don't move naturally to the next level in a relationship.

I hear from people who have been friends for many, many years and one day something clicks and they finally see each other differently and the chemistry kicks in. These people had moved on with their lives and dated other people. It was the comparison to other people they dated that made them realize what a good thing they had with their friend.

Maybe this is something you should consider too. Part of your problem could simply be that you have been given the friend label and your dance partner can not see past that. Maybe seeing you genuinely enjoying yourself with other women will help her see you differently too. And if she dates other guys she might appreciate more what she has with you.

The main thing is you have to fish or cut bait. If being around her is going to interfere with you having a good relationship with someone else, then it's time to move on. You may simply have to take some time apart while you get things in perspective, then you can be closer friends again.

As long as you have a tiny bit of hope that she could change her mind you won't meet a woman who is right for you. There'll be a part of you that you just can't share, and the new woman will end up getting hurt.

Sit yourself down and ask yourself what kind of relationship you really want? How do you want feel in a relationship? Needy, off balance, or unwanted? Of course not, you deserve better. Now prove to yourself that you believe that and take control of your love life. Make decisions based on reality, not wishful thinking and appreciate what a great guy you are and the right woman will too.

—Philippa

To discover "4 Steps to bring the Right Person into your life Right Now!" visit www.meant2be.com or call 888-4-4-STEPS.