For many people, dating and relationships are not about
relating but about mind reading. Do you know what I mean?
When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy
analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does
she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say the right thing
and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me?
In a long-term relationship, it can be even worse. Will she nag
me when I get home? Will he listen to what I have to say? What
does he really feel? What does she want?
The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in
psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to practice it in our
relationships.
Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to
accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts and
feelings without input from them. Mind reading damages our
relationships and drives us crazy.
Are you ready to stop driving yourself crazy by trying to
figure out other's thoughts, feelings and emotions? Then it's
time to welcome a new life with fewer headaches, more sleep and
better relationships through communication.
All you have to do is assume "it's not personal" and communicate.
* Assume it's not personal:
In mind reading, you would assume that another's actions are a
direct reflection of what the person thinks and feels about you.
The truth is that even when you are in a long-term relationship,
very little of your partner's actions have to do with you. This
is even more profoundly so in dating situations.
What the other person is doing or saying, or not doing or
saying, has very little to do with you and a lot to do with his
or her life experience, way of being and current circumstances.
* Communicate:
In mind reading, you would respond to another according to your
interpretation of his or her actions. He or she would in turn
respond to you according to his or her interpretation of your
actions, and on and on and on.
Without mind reading and hence interpretation, the logical step
is to communicate. Ask questions. Share your feelings. Ask for
what you want. Set boundaries. Expand your communication
repertoire. As long as you are gentle and respectful, you can
say almost anything to anyone without causing an adverse reaction.
This will not work with everyone immediately, but will work
with most people eventually. After all, communication creates
intimacy and growth, which is why we all want relationships in
the first place.
When you play the mind-reading game you set yourself up for
craziness and often for disappointment, resentment, fear and
anxiety. Once you stop playing the game, realize what's going on
with the other person is not personal and start communicating,
you'll notice a dramatic change in your peace of mind and the
quality of your relationships.
