Issue #10: You can learn a lot from idiots :-) August 30, 2001
Hello,
Last week we were so busy that we forgot to tell you the correct answers for our previous riddles. Sorry! The answer for riddle #1 is the letter E and for riddle #2 is silence.
If you miss these issues, please visit our newsletter archive at http://ISOpersonals.com/love/digest/. The correct answer for the last week's riddle is stars and the following members got it right.
Congratulation to you all. I am impressed!
Our riddle this week is:
"It flies with out wings,
falls without fear.
But held in your hand it shrinks to nothing."
This riddle was provided by lookin4my1 of http://ISOpersonals.com/ad.cgi?lookin4my1
Send your answer to webmaster@ISOpersonals.com. We are running out of riddles, please sending in your riddles!
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Dating Humor:
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That Silly Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop and spotted a large beautiful parrot. The pet store owner told her, "This bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about it, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room.
The bird looked around the room and at her, then said, "New house, new madam."
When her two teenage daughters came home, the bird said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
Please send us your jokes to webmaster@ISOpersonals.com
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Love Quotes:
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Our quotes this week are:
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Walter Bagehet
Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
John Wooden
Check out other quotes and add your own quotes in at http://ISOpersonals.com/love/quotes/
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Ad Swap:
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Useful Tips
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You will rarely see these emoticons, but it doesn't hurt to know them:
:=8) = Baboon
@:-] = Baby
=:-) = Bad hair day
(:-) = Bald
%-) = Cross-eyed
#-) = Dead
}:-> = The Devil
(-: = Left-handed smiley
8:-) = Little girl
.-) = One-eyed
:@) = Pig
[:] = Robot
:-Q = Smoking
?-( = Sorry, I don't know what went wrong
%-) = Stared too long at monitor
B:-) = Sunglasses on head
8-) = Swimmer
X-) = Unconscious
[:-) = Wearing a Walkman
{:-) = Wig
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Weekly Article:
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Our articles have been about serious stuff in the past few weeks. This week we are going for some humor. Hope you enjoying it!
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How was your date?
If you haven’t already seen it, I recommend watching “Blind Date.” It’s a little tough to find, usually located between infomercials on your local UPN affiliate at 2:30 a.m., but it’s well worth the effort.
As the title implies, people on this show go on blind dates. And—of course—it rarely works out well. To add insult to injury—literally—there are “Pop-Up Video”-style comments that show up on screen throughout the date. And all they do is rag on the daters. Hilarious.
This is why it’s such a great show. Not as entertainment, but as an educational tool for those of us still in the dating pool. You can learn a lot from these idiots. Some guy tried to convince his date he was Zorro. One guy found out his travel agent date was a dominatrix—when she took him home to her spanking room. One woman almost ended the date with a concussion. More on that later.
Anyhow, if you don’t happen to be up at 2:30 on a weeknight, as a public service I’ve decided to give you all a few pointers on how to gauge how well your first date is going. Some of them may seem pretty obvious, but as the folks on the show proved, a lot of people are dense.
These are based on things I’ve actually seen on the show. Hope they help.
HE/SHE BRINGS HER ROOMIE. Well, right off the bat, this means your date doesn’t even feel comfortable being alone in public with you, much less back at your place. And fellas, if she springs this on you 5 minutes after you come to pick her up, it usually means you look like an axe murderer. Washing your hair might have helped.
SHE TALKS ABOUT SEX. A LOT. First off, women typically won’t talk to you about sex until WAY down the line. And as guys, we’ve pretty much gotten used to that. So if she’s talking to you about it on a first date, this is a huge sign that she’s not just attracted to you, but she’s already picturing you naked, and will probably do whatever it takes to get you that way in the next couple of hours. Not the best scenario for long-term happiness, but you can rest assured that you’ll have a fun night.
HE TALKS ABOUT SEX. A LOT. If you didn’t meet in the Penthouse chat room, this is not a good sign. Call the house and see if your roomie can meet you out. Unless he’s hot, and you’re lookin’ to score.
THEY TALK ABOUT EX. A LOT. If they talk about their ex for more than 10 minutes on your first date, you’re a rebound or revenge date, and things will go nowhere. They’ll probably end up back with their ex in the next week or two.
EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS FUNNY. This can go a couple of ways. It can mean that your date really gets your jokes and thinks you’re funny. It could also mean that they’re laughing at everything you say so they don’t actually have to talk to you. It can mean that they don’t even get it, but they want to humor you. Or, your date is just drunk.
NOTHING YOU SAY IS FUNNY. This one only really goes one way. You’re not funny. They don’t like you.
THEIR PERFECT MATE? NOT YOU. Few things are as bad as asking what your date is looking for in the opposite sex, and they recite a description of someone who isn’t even remotely close to you. Psst. They’re doing this on purpose.
SHE SUGGESTS PLAYING STRIP POKER – AT 3 IN THE AFTERNOON. If you can’t figure this one out, just get out of the pool. GET OUT. NOW.
YOUR DATE STARTS FLIRTING WITH THE WAITER/WAITRESS/CAB DRIVER. This basically says “I’m done with you, even though we haven’t had the main course yet. I’m just trying to cover my bases so my night isn’t a complete loss.”
HE GETS NEKKID IN THE MIDDLE OF A BAR. I kid you not. Some guy actually did this, and jumped up and down in front of his COMPLETELY embarrassed date. They got kicked out of the bar, and—get this—the date actually continued.
SHE MAKES YOU PROMISE NOT TO TRY TO KISS HER. OK, you can just go home at this point. Because even if your standard, red-blooded woman is THINKING this, most won’t say it because they:
a) Don’t want to hurt your feelings.
b) Think you still stand a chance of getting a kiss at some point.
But once she’s verbalizing it, you’re past the point of no return. Sorry, Chachi.
YOU TRY TO LEAN IN FOR THE KISS AND GET A HEAD-BUTT. Once? OK, she didn’t know which way to tilt. TWICE? You probably met at the Special Olympics. But ELEVEN times? Yeah, some guy (actually the guy who promised he wouldn’t try to kiss her) did this ELEVEN times at her front door at the end of the date. And still thought she’d go out with him again.
The most painful part of watching it? The on-screen counter.
That’s the rant.
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"Copyright 2001 by Kwame DeRoché
Comments: Kwamster@columnist.com
Subscriptions: kwamrants-subscribe@egroups.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kwamrants"
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