10 ways to know the right relationship November 01, 2001
Hello,
It seems like just yesterday when we officially opened our site on June 1st 2001, but that was five months ago. We have had so many struggles and so much success so far. For months, our database wouldn't record 2 out of every 3 newly registered members. We have lost thousands of new members for that. Then we discovered that the site didn't allow Netscape Navigator users to sign up. We lost thousands of users for that too.
On the brighter side, we now have over 4000 members. Our database is MySQL, completely stable and bugs free. We have a content management system that allows us to add new articles to the site every day - hassle free. Last week, we added a grand new rating system to our ads so you can rate and comment on the ads you like or hate. We now have over 10 programmers working on our site days and nights instead of one like 5 months ago.
What's next for us? We'll fix, change and enhance every feature that you've ever complained about. See, we listen :-). So keep those feedbacks coming! You will be able to add up to 5 photos to your ads. Our search engine will show more accurate results and easier to use. You will be able to bookmark your favorite sites. We will have features that you don't even know you need, and we will have all of these features before Christmas. So grace yourself for the future of ISO Personals.
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Riddle:
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This week’s riddle is:
What word begins with an 'e', ends with an 'e' and has only one letter?
Send your answer to webmaster@ISOpersonals.com. We will publish your answer next week. Do you know any riddles? Please send them to us. Thank you.
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Useful Tips:
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I was listening to Enrique Iglesias’ new album and it came to me. If I were to place a personal ad, I would write, “I am looking for someone who can’t imagine life without me by their side.” The idea comes from Enrique’s song called “World Crashes Down.” I think that is romantic as hell J. Even the strongest, most powerful can feel this way. There is a difference between “can’t imagine life without you by my side” and “can’t survive without you by my side.” One is simply romantic and one is a sign of low self-esteem and co-dependency.
The point is that you can find ideas to write your ad everywhere, just pay attention to what you hear, see and read. It is also about knowing what you want. You are looking for someone special, not just anyone. So listen to yourself and think what make someone special for you. When you know what you want, the rest is easy.
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Members’ Comments:
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MissL of http://ISOpersonals.com/ad.cgi?MissL commented on our issue #13 “Are You the Jealous Type?””
When you have someone special in your life that you have intimacy with there is a bit of jealousy involved - why put up with someone no one else wants - dah! I am not the violently jealous type and would not get into a physical fight over anyone - I would of course probably give my other half a bit of grief about it if there seemed to be a bit of enjoyment on there part and they did things to bring on my jealousy for the sake of seeing me react - that's a no-no.
Well spoken, MissL. If you miss issue #13, you can read it at http://isopersonals.com/love/digest/
Send us your comment and we will publish it next week.
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Weekly Article:
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10 Ways to Know When Your Relationship Is "Right"
I spend much of my time pointing out where things went wrong with this person's approach, or that person's relationship, etc. I thought it might be time to look at what makes a relationship "right". That is, how do you know you're in a relationship that can last? Here's my top 10:
10. You feel good about yourself and your world
A good relationship makes you feel great. It should fill in your "gaps" and make you feel whole. It should give you emotional strength and help you to feel that everything is ok - and will continue to be. Another good sign is that you're better able to survive disasters at work, at home, etc. - not because you know someone will be there to solve them, but because you know that YOU can.
9. You look forward to spending time together
Far too many couples stay together out of habit. They don't really look forward to being together and try to find ways to avoid it. For example, they always try to include other friends, go to an event so that they'll have something to do, etc. Another sign is fear of the "conversation lag" where nobody has anything to say. If your relationship is "right", you'll enjoy spending quality time together - even when it's quiet.
8. You respect your partner, and "talk him or her up"
Is there anyone that agrees with everything someone else says or thinks? (I can tell you - nobody agrees with everything I say!) There's no reason you have to agree with everything your partner says or thinks either. However, you should RESPECT them for it - right or wrong.
Further, when you respect someone - really respect them - you find yourself "talking them up" to people. You say things like, "You know, my girlfriend said something that I don't agree with, but it really made me think" or "My husband really knows about wood working - you should ask him about it."
What this really shows is your focus - if you find you're always talking about yourself, you're not focused on your partner - or the relationship.
7. You are really interested in what he or she thinks
Along with respect, you'll find that you are interested in your partner's thoughts on different things - and you ask. You might have heard the President of your company say something and you ask your wife to get her take on it. Or, you may have come up with an idea that you want your boyfriend to think about - and you're not afraid of getting shot down.
6. You are aware of, but ignore their quirks
Everyone (even YOU bunky!) has his or her little quirks. Your partner's quirks might even appear cute to you, or at least harmless. If they're getting to you, you should look more closely at your relationship in general.
5. Problems don't make you think about breaking up
All relationships have problems. It's natural and healthy. However, if every time you fight you feel ready to break up, you should re-think your relationship. People that have good, solid relationships see disagreements as a chance to learn more about their lover, and to get closer. Thus, they don't fear them, but they don't create them either!
4. You aren't scared about losing him or her
Once you start investing your feelings in a relationship you risk being hurt. This isn't my rule - it's just the way it is. However, if you dwell on the possibility of being hurt, you can't really enjoy the relationship. Further, you shouldn't be concerned that your lover isn't happy. If the relationship is secure - you'll know it.
3. You're together "just because"
Many people start dating and then coordinate their lives such that they have to be together - either for finances, kids, family, work, the dog, etc. Is there something keeping your relationship together? If you're together just because you both want to be, you've got a good reason to stay together! If you're together because you have to be, you'll likely to start having problems.
2. You appreciate other attractive people, but aren't interested in them
There is someone more attractive than your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife. I don't care whom you're with! If your relationship is good, you still like the way other people look, but don't find it necessary to compare them to your partner. After all ...
1. You are in love
If you don't know that you're in love, you're not. Love is very difficult to explain, but one of the best explanations I've seen is this:
"Love is when you are more concerned with the well being, safety and happiness of someone else than your own."
That's a pretty powerful idea, and something I hope everyone gets to experience.
Good luck, much love...
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Got a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all letters. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers. For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com.
Dr. Dennis W. Neder, Author of "Being a Man in a Woman's World." Dedicated to advancing the arts and sciences of relationships. Start having the relationships YOU deserve!
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