Overcoming Rejection - Handling Objections November 15, 2001
Hello,
Do you think the plane crashed in NY is purely accident? Crashed in NY? Two months after Sept. 11? The tail cleanly fell off? No case of this happened before? Someone just ran an A test on it the day before? This is just too much to be just an accident. I want to know who involved in this test. I don't want to be the negative voice, but aren't we a bit too naive about this?
Our last riddle:
What word begins with an 'e', ends with an 'e' and has only one letter?
Only one person got the answer. That is Ginny1 of http://ISOpersonals.com/ad.cgi?Ginny1 and the answer is “envelope”. Bravo Ginny1. Isn't that cool?
This week, to lighten up the mood a bit, we have some jokes for you:
GIRLS' ENGLISH
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"It's your decision" = the correct decision should be obvious by now.
"Do what you want" = you'll pay for this later.
"We need to talk" = I need to bitch
"Sure...go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = of course I'm upset, you moron!
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're not going to really like me for.
"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.
"Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead.
GUYS' ENGLISH
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now.
"I love you too" = Okay, I said it. We'd better have sex now!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
These jokes were provided by KCMOGuy816 of http://ISOpersonals.com/ad.cgi?KCMOGuy816
There is a scary article on our site this week called "Hell Hath". It is something to talk about. If you don't like heavy stuff, don't read it. Check it out at http://www.isopersonals.com/love/many/one111801.html
Another article you should read is "Need for Validation". It is the struggle that most of us face. Check it out at http://isopersonals.com/love/coach/relationship111001.html
This week's article is: "Overcoming Rejection - Handling Objections" by Dr. Dennis W. Neder. He touches some very good topics, but the problem is his articles are always long, unnecessary long. We think that you find it useful but... long.
Those of you that have read my articles know that I talk a lot about selling skills. That's because I view dating much like selling. For example:
Selling and Marketing - Dating
Marketing plan - Dating plan
Prospecting - Finding and meeting someone
"Cold call" - Approaching someone for the first time
"Warm call" - Setting up a date referred by a friend
The "pitch" - Establishing connection
The "close" - Getting a number, getting a date, etc.
The "follow-up" - Moving on to the next step
Over the years, I have trained hundreds of salespeople and know that everyone can sell. As well, I've worked with many, many people and know that everyone can be successful at dating. By looking at dating this way, you begin to see that it really isn't just hit and miss - there really are rules that work for anyone.
One of the most important elements of selling is handling objections. This doesn't mean that you can convince someone of something - that isn't what selling is all about! Dating isn't either. You can't really convince anyone to date you, to establish a relationship with you, to sleep with you, etc. What you can do is to make it worthwhile for this person to make the decision on their own.
When you're dating someone, the best advice is to always consider how hard you want to work. If you've found the "immovable object" - that person that just won't budge, why continue to pound on him or her? It's by far easier to just move on and find someone that "wants to buy what you're selling".
On the other hand, there are some things you can do to help get your "prospect" off the fence. In fact, with many people, (particularly women), you sometimes have to put some work in. Again, keep in mind that you shouldn't work too hard - if someone expects that much, you're "return" isn't usually going to be worth it.
Let's examine some common objections and how to handle them.
Objection: Time
Everyone has the same 168 hours a week. And, whether you use them or not, they're gone. Because of this, many people believe that they are really busy. To them, they may be, but to others it may have just been a wasted of 168 hours. This is a often a matter of interpretation.
I know people that really get things done, and I know people who waste a tremendous amount of time. Every one of them thinks that they are busy. But, consider this; if you want something - really want it - you make time for it. If someone tells you they don't have time to date you time really isn't the issue, it's interest.
You may need to do some more selling. Suggest that if they knew you better, they'd feel that the hour or two spent with you was really worthwhile.
Objection: They don't "see" you that way or you're a "friend"
This is a killer. If you've slipped into the "friend" category, you've got an up-hill battle on your hands. First, you've got to change that idea in the person's head - especially with women. Women organize men into two categories - boyfriend material and everyone else.
If you're the "friend" you can say that you want to use your closeness and understanding of her/him as the cornerstone of your relationship. Say that your friendship is ready to move to the next level and that he or she may not see you that way yet, but they will. Then, set a date to take the out - but make it a date, not just two friends getting together! Do all the things you'd do if you were taking out a new person. This "new" person however is one that you already have history with. Don't let this history prevent you from doing the "date things" that you'd normally do with someone new.
You may find that your "target" is reluctant to set the initial date. Again, this may be difficult to get past, but it is not insurmountable. Remind him or her that they've been comfortable being with you on other occasions and this one will be just as comfortable. After all, you're just trying to see if you work as a couple or not.
Objection: They're seeing someone else
The person may be in a committed relationship, but even this can be dealt with. You might want to interject some humor. Try saying this: "So what - are you some kind of fanatic or something?" Once you've established some ease between you two, go the next step and say, "I understand that you're seeing other people right now, so am I. I just think that we MAY have a spark we should explore."
Keep it light and simple, and remember, it's usually easier to steal someone else's boy- or girlfriend than it is to keep one!
Objection: They can't afford to take you out
Objections involving money - like time - are never to real objection. That is, there is something else you need to find. This is a question of "value". For example, if I could absolutely guarantee you a 50% return on your money, (and you absolutely believed me), how much would you invest? Would you take out a second mortgage on your home? Would you borrow every single penny from your friends and family that you could? Of course you would!
The problem here is that the person doesn't see the value in taking you out. Thus, you can eliminate this problem by going on the "zero-cost date". For examples of free and inexpensive dates, check this some of my recent articles on this site or at:
If you're still getting resistance setting a date, you need to look at other reasons.
Objection: They're afraid of you
Why are they afraid of you? Because they've been hurt before? Because you remind them of the person that killed their parents? What exactly does this mean?
This objection, like the one above isn't really about fear, it's about belief. You need to find out why they don't believe you're intentions are good. Here, you want to address their fears by showing them that you're a reasonable, "safe" person and give them the appearance of a way out.
Objection: Not interested or you're not their "type"
The real question is WHY aren't they interested? Could it be that you've just downed two garlic cloves and a pint of vinegar? Have you spent the entire evening making an ass of yourself?
You want to show this person why you're unique. That doesn't mean that you can stand on your head for 30 minutes at a stretch while finishing off a six-pack. It means that you aren't just "one of the boys/girls". Of course that also means that you meet their "dating expectations". Look around you and see the type of people they are with. Then, show this person why you're just like them, only better.
Objection: No response or they don't call
Too many people fear confrontation. Combine this with poor manners (brought on by poor parenting - you may want to contact this person's mother to find out why!), and you've got a no-response type of person. If you don't get a returned call you should probably move on, happy that you didn't waste another moment with a rude jerk.
If, on the other hand you're the adventurous type, you can try this. Call the person up, but don't leave messages on their answering machine or voice mail. Wait for the person to answer. Then, explain that you know that they're busy and wanted to make it easier by suggesting a time and place to meet. Then, have them open their calendars and write it in. If they "forget" again, you know it's not about being busy - they just lack social skills.
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Have a love, relationship or man/woman question? I answer all mail. You can write to me at dwneder@remingtonpublications.com for answers.
For more information about my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World", visit: www.remingtonpublications.com.
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