Break-ups are never easy. But staying with someone whose mere voice is enough to make you want to jump off a cliff isn't easy, either. Yeah, sometimes it's better to just call the whole thing off. And, people do it every day.
During the break-up aftershocks, lots of things happen - that last attempt at intimacy with the break-up sex, the middle-of-the-night crying phone calls, the stalking. And of course, there's the division of stuff. You want your damn Super Big Gulp cup, and he's not keeping it, even though it's been in his car for 2 years. You tell her you want your sweatshirt back, because it yours, even though it's been her favorite warm PJs for 9 months. You nit-pick. You argue. You take some stuff out of spite, others because his or her smell is still on them.
We are truly pathetic creatures.
This is why, like Billy Crystal explained in "When Harry Met Sally," you should just label everything that's yours, up front. This saves you a lot of fighting later. I highly recommend a permanent marker. Sharpie makes good ones.
You see, post-breakup time is all about having the upper hand. Because when we're emotionally bruised, some of us go back to schoolyard rules - he (or she) who has the most wins. Period. When it comes to "stuff," it's bad enough. But it's even worse when it comes to dividing up your friends.
Losing one person in a break-up is bad. Losing that person and a bunch of friends sucks.
Oh yeah, like some Lifetime "divorce movie of the week," you have to battle for custody. No courtrooms, no lawyers. Just a couple of pissed-off people and their address books. Who gets which friends?
You may take it logically:
"Well, since Todd has the pickup truck, and you're making me move out, I claim him."
Or not so much:
"I met her 10 minutes before you did, so she's my friend. I don't care if you carpool together and work at the same place and I only see her once a month. She's MY friend."
Bear in mind, like small children, many of the friends usually don't know who they're going to be with until the proceedings are over. Unless, of course, you're in the .0013% of people who break up and remain friends. Then you both get broad and generous visitation rights.
But we all know THAT never happens.
Some are no-brainers. These are the friends you brought to the relationship. The close ones. The ones who would never turn on you, unless they want to sleep with your ex. Generally, these are the folks who knew you were breaking up before it ever happened. Some of these friends will actually miss your ex, which leads to.
The friends who were, by all rights, "yours," but choose to take the side of your ex. This can hurt almost as much as the break-up. It's also the kind of thing that actually makes you start thinking that what you did WAS wrong. Either that, or they were plotting against you. OOH. How Shakespearean!
Sometimes, you'll both try to claim the same friend (usually the one who introduced you), and this poor schmuck gets stuck sneaking around with each of you like you were having an affair, because you don't want to run into your ex. "Let's meet me down at the Motel 6, and we'll go to the mall 2 towns over."
And then there are other couples you were friends with. They don't know how to act. Who to agree with. Whether or not to take sides. And God forbid they throw a party and have to choose which one of you to invite. That's why they DON'T choose. They invite you both, and watch the drama unfold. It's cheaper than hiring a band, or some stupid clown who makes weiner dogs out of balloons.
What about people you work with who are friends of your ex? The guy down at the car wash who hooks you up with free wax because he went to school with her? The reliable mechanic he's been taking your car to for 3 years?
Yeah. You can do this all day, and it only gets more complicated.
So, just remember, when you break up, you're losing a lot more than stuff.
Maybe that permanent marker thing works on people, too.
That's the rant.
