Fellas, if you've ever dumped a woman, especially if you dumped her because she was a psycho, you've known the meaning of true fear. The air let out of your tires. The mysterious notes on your pillow, after you've changed the locks. The boiled rabbit. It's amazing what even the sweetest woman can become, given the right (or wrong) situation.
As a matter-of-fact, if you've ever even treated a woman unfairly who wasn't your girlfriend or wife, you've gotten "the look." You know the one. It kinda looks like the "let's do it" face, except she's holding a shoe or steak knife in her hand.
This past week, a woman in Canberra, Australia was sentenced to life in prison for skinning her boyfriend, carving him into steaks, making a stew out of his head, and serving this hideous meal to his children. She had worked as a meat slicer before their relationship, and "…skinned (boyfriend) Price with such expertise and a steady hand that his skin, including that of his head, face, nose, ears, neck, torso, genital organs, and legs, was removed to form one pelt."
A pelt? Funny, I didn't think you called it that unless it was a furry forest creature. But anyway…
And, in true psycho fashion, she did this about 10 minutes after they had sex. That's just not right. He didn't stand a chance. 10 minutes after sex, most men can't even remember their own names – and that's if they're awake.
Additionally, if she had the strength to do all that after sex, he obviously wasn't very good. But that's another issue entirely.
So I had to ask. Why? What would drive a woman to do such a thing? Did he beat her? Torture?
Nope.
After six years together, he dumped her and was about to kick her out of the house. Without sharing his assets.
That's it. She didn't stop loving him. He didn't beat her or anything. She wanted marriage. He just wanted to end it. (After some goodbye sex, of course.)
And the messed up part? Some woman just read that and is nodding because she thinks, on some level, that that's a justifiable reason. (As if the skinning, steaking and stewing wasn't the messed-up part.)
(Guys, if you have goose bumps now, it's OK.)
How many guys reading this right now have been with someone as long, if not longer, and still haven't popped the question? You'd better hope your woman doesn't read that story. "Not my woman," you may think. But remember, most women think kicking us "in the junk" is appropriate, for any number of offenses we may deem minor. And thanks to Lifetime's limited programming, they've all seen "The Burning Bed" at least twice each. That bugs me.
Look, man, if you're dealing with a woman, you're dealing with a loaded weapon. If you're dealing with a woman, and you didn't already know that, I suggest you read the full article on Yahoo. Just search for "Australia, skinning, and November 9th."
The other part that bugs me is that this was no psycho rage. This woman had the time and patience to peel this guy like an apple. Hello? His skin all came off in one piece. I can't even get that trick to work on the actual fruit. And unless you're a friend of Richard Simmons, ain't none of us round as apples. THEN, like a butcher, she carved him into steaks? Lopped off his head, peeled veggies, and made a stew? And tried to feed it to his KIDS? WHAT?
Three words. That bitch crazy.
So what did we learn?
1. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or a man skinned.
2. If you're going to have sex, boink her silly, just to be safe. The female orgasm may be elusive, but now it can save your life, dude.
3. If you're ever in Australia, don't order the steak…or the stew.
That's the rant.
