Connected Containers
Communication between people with close emotional contact such as lovers,
parents, children or members of the same family, is very much like the flow
of water in two containers connected on their lower half. When the water
level in one container is pressured downwards, it will naturally rise in the
other container.
Thus when emotionally close persons suppress their emotions or needs, these
feelings generally are increased in the others, without either of them
discussing or otherwise communicating about this openly.
When one suppresses fear, the other feels more fear. When one suppresses
desires, the desire level in the other becomes accentuated. When one
suppresses anger, or resentment, then the other finds himself or herself
expressing anger and resentment for both of them.
For example, a woman who suppresses her anger may find herself receiving
even more aggressive behavior from her husband, because he is receiving her
suppressed anger on the subconscious levels. She may feel like an abused
victim, but in fact it is her own suppressed negativity, which is coming
back to her through him.
This is why it is so important for us to express our feelings and needs
clearly and openly, so that we can openly discussed them and find solutions.
When emotions are communicated in nonverbal and unconscious ways, through
these "connected containers", then little can be done to find solutions.
You may at times try to avoid problems by not expressing your feelings or
needs. You are in fact, however, creating many more problems, which can
never be solved, because there is no means of real communication. Your
feelings will be passed on to the other whether you express them with words
or not.
It is much better to express them with words and actions as clearly and as
lovingly is possible.
